Psychology Help Today

Power of Vulnerability by Brene Brown https://youtu.be/iCvmsMzlF7o Renee Madison is a counselor in Colorado with offices in Westminster (Denver area) and Loveland (Northern Colorado).  She can be reached by phone 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928.

"Here is the key: you've got to send your words out in the direction you want your life to go.  You cannot talk defeat and expect to have victory.  You can't talk lack and expect to have abundance.  You will produce what you say.  If you want to know what you will be like five years from now, just listen to what you are saying about yourself.  With our words can we either bless our futures or we can curse our futures.  That's why we should never say, 'I'm not a good parent.  I'm unattractive.  I'm clumsy.  I can't do anything right.  I'll probably get laid off.' "No, those thoughts may come to your mind, but don't make the mistake of verbalizing them.  The moment you speak them out, you allow them to take root.  There have been plenty of times where I've thought something negative and I'm just about to say it, but I'll catch myself and think.  No.  I'll zip it up.  I'm not speaking defeat into my f...

A very thought provoking movie: To save a life http://youtu.be/1o56pazEh-Q Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a licensed counselor in Colorado.  She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928

Last Ounce of Courage - movie I found this to be a very touching illustration of patriotism and family. http://youtu.be/askgwNOjkeI Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a licensed counselor in Colorado.  She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928

People who use porn wonder, "'How... can something that isn't a drug, isn't an extra-marital affair, isn't actually sex with someone else, cause such devastating problems as divorce, getting fired, and not being able to get sexually aroused by a real live partner.' "The truth is, using pornography can make you go blind-- blind to the power and control it can eventually have over your life.  Though we might stare intensely at it, we don't see, often can't see see, how and why it is so powerful.  Did you know that porn can actually rewire your brain?  That's one reason why some people who use porn become preoccupied with sex, develop problematic sexual desires, and experience sexual functioning problems.  And if your brain has been changed, it can be difficult to see clearly exactly what is happening and how it's affecting your life. "Porn is an extremely alluring and compelling 'product,' capable of delivering ...

"What do music composers Amadeus Mozart and Ludwig Van Beethoven, Artists Michelango and Vincent Van Gogh, Physicists Sir Isaac Newton and Albert Einstein, Renaissance Polymath Leonardo Da Vinci, President Thomas Jefferson, and Microsoft Founder Bill Gates have in common?  All are known or suspected of fitting somewhere on the autism spectrum. As a "spectrum" disorder, autism represents a wide array of symptoms--from mid to severe--that affect individuals differently, however a common core of indicators influence the neurological development of social skills, empathy, communication, and flexible behavior.  This developmental disability also crosses every racial, ethnic and socioeconomic group." - Eric Scalise and Stephanie Holmes in Christian Counseling Today, Vol. 20, No. 2 This is an amazing list of people that have a disorder that parents fear.  Yes it is a challenging diagnosis but as this list shows, all is not lost. Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSA...

Children love movement.  Regular movement activities not only help children stay healthy, also it enhances their learning abilities and sets a solid foundation upon which more complex movement skills are established. Adult used to deal with obesity but it is now prevalent in the school age and preschool populations and is increasing at alarming rates.  Regular movement helps children decrease the chances of becoming obese and thereby avoid disease like  heart disease and Type II Diabetes.  Movement and exercise also helps them teaches them a lifestyle to stay healthy well into adulthood. Movement is necessary to learning.  Children use movement to learn about and explore their environments and the properties of objects.  They stimulate most areas of the brain, especially the center responsible for maintaining focus and paying attention when they move.  It is in movement that their brains release neurotransmitters that enhance short-ter...

A thoughtful article on financial stress in the Reporter-Herald: "Being short on cash may make you a bit slower in the brain, a new study suggests. "People worrying about having enough money to pay their bills tend to lose temporarily the equivalent of 13 IQ points, scientists found that when they gave intelligence tests to shoppers at a New Jersey mall and farmers in India. "The idea is that financial stress monopolizes thinking, making other calculations slower and more difficult, sort of like the effects of going without sleep for a night. "And this money-and-brain crunch applies, albeit to a smaller degree to about 100 million Americans who face financial squeezes, say the team of economists and psychologists who wrote the study published in Friday's issue of the journal Science. "Our paper isn't about poverty.  It's about people struggling to make ends meet," said Sendhil Mullainathan, a Harvard economist and study co...

I love this article I found in my Sunday Reporter-Herald: "As of August 2013, the average American's credit card debt totaled $15,263; mortgage debt averaged $147,591; and student loan debt hit $31,646.   And many households have all three!  No wonder you report that you're more stressed than you were 10 years ago.  Twenty percent of you now say you live with extreme stress daily, and we think the real number is even higher than that. "It's not news that financial woes fuel tension, sleepless nights, relationship problems and depression.  But a new report reveals that debt is also linked with higher diastolic blood pressure --- that's the second number in a blood pressure reading that tells you the pressure level BETWEEN beats.  We say you should aim for 115/75. "High diastolic pressure signals high-blood pressure problems. And that can double your risk for heart attack and weaker recovery post-heart-attack; triple the odds for digesti...

"Approximately 25% of all children in the United States will experience at least one significant traumatic event before the age of 16, with 15% of girls and 6% of boys developing symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder.  Unintentional injury remains the leading cause of death among those aged 14 and younger, while nearly 38,000 injuries occur on a daily basis that require medical attention--nearly half-million emergency room visits annually for traumatic brain injuries.  More than 10,000 children are diagnosed with cancer every year, and the most common tumors are brain-related. Each year, somewhere between three to four million reports of childhood abuse and neglect are filed with state and local Child Protective Services (60% of all cases are under the age of 13).  Over 800,000 minors are reported missing each year (2,200 times every single day).  Minors account for 39% of the homeless population in the United State (almost half of those are under ...

"When we choose well, the paths of surrender, relationship, acceptance and trust lead us to Him and His power. "Now we are standing in front of another fork.  This time, we're seeking a path that will deliver us to something we're all looking for: joy,   What's interesting, however, it that the trail to joy is unmarked, full of rocks and overgrown  weeds, and rarely traveled.  As a result, whenever we arrive at this fork, we almost always choose the wrong path--and end up wondering why we're lost. "To put this is plain terms, we often think possessions and things will make us happy.  Food, Sex. Money.  A new dress, couch, car, home, job or spouse.  We think that if we rearrange the circumstances, everything will get better.  Eventually, some of us figure it out, at least some of the time, that isn't how it works.  The external possessions and things are enticing and may offer temporary pleasure, but ultimately, they don't mak...

Last, I wrote that love addicts and avoidants develop unhealthy patterns of dependency, distance, chaos, and often abuse.  In this article, I will describe the types of love addiction. The types of love addiction are: * Obsessed love addiction: This type of addiction comes with the inability to live independently from another person, or a feeling of possession.  The person may continue the obsession years after the relationship has ended. * Codependency addiction: This type spins around the desired person.  The partner’s life is the focus, not the love addict. * Relationship addiction: This often manifests as an addiction to the idea of having a relationship, instead of the development of an authentic relationship. There are two types: those who are constantly in and out of relationships and those who will not let go of a bad relationship for the sake of having a healthy relationship. * Narcissistic love addiction: This type is all about the love addict, ...

Love addicts and avoidants form relationships that inevitably lead to unhealthy patterns of dependency, distance, chaos, and often abuse. Familiarity is the central engine of the love addiction. Each is attracted to the other specifically because of the familiar traits that the other exhibits.  These are patterns learned in childhood and continue into adulthood despite the pain that is caused. When the two addictive lovers come together --- a common and predictable relational process is ignited. Reference  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love_addiction This cycle of love addiction encompasses a push-pull dance full of emotional highs and lows where the one is on the chase (love addiction) while the avoidant is on the run. They both engage in "counterfeit emotional involvement” which consists of melodrama and negative intensity.  This dance creates the illusion of true love, intimacy, and connection. The negative consequences of love addiction can vary. Depen...

"We've seen that whenever trouble arrive at our doorstep, we're presented with a series of choices.  We start at the crossroads and see three paths: beaten, bitter, or broken.  Do we surrender to God's will or chart our own course?  Do we withdraw into ourselves or accept the Lord's invitation to move into a deeper relationship with Him--'If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in' (Rev. 3:20)? "When trouble arrives and we don't understand why, there is yet another decision we must make.  If we know Paul's secret, we can be confident of making the right choice.  I believe the secret is simply this:  Accept what's happened even if it doesn't make sense, and trust that God is in control ." - Jim Daly in Stronger When trouble arrives, and it will, how we deal with it can help or hinder us.  We don't want to be beaten, bitter, or broken.  We sometimes want to avoid the trouble rather than facing it....

"An injury to one's sense of self forges some bonds.  The self-injury becomes part of the fabric of the relationship and further disrupts the natural unfolding of the self.  When this involves terror of any sort, an emptiness forms at the core of the person and the self becomes inconsolable.  No addiction can fill it.  Not denial of self will restore it.  No single gesture will be believable.  Only a profound sens of the human community caring for the self can seal up this hole.  We call this wound shame. "This part of your recovery agenda looks at how the relationship forced you to devalue the self, and plans for self-restoration to the human community.  Start by making a list of how the relationship devalued you.  Think of  times you felt unworthy, embarrassed, flawed or ashamed.  Make a list of ten sources of shame in the relationship." - Patrick J. Carnes, Ph.D. in Betrayal Bond Shame recovery is hard.  We g...

"'What are you doing to take care of yourself?' is one of the most often asked questions in recovery.  Self neglect is one of the common causes of relapse, and it is true that children whose parents neglected them have difficulty taking good care of themselves. "This part of your recovery plan looks at those areas of your life that have gone beyond neglect of yourself and become compulsive deprivation or even compulsive self-harm.  First you need to identify forms of compulsive deprivation or self-harm that existed in the relationship(s) that you worry about." - Patrick J. Carnes, Ph.D. in The Betrayal Bond Compulsive deprivation and self-harm comes in many forms.  Anorexia, sexual anorexia, compulsive saving or hoarding. compulsive cleaning, cutting or hurting self, hair pulling or skin picking, body piercing or excessive tattoos, compulsive exercising, compulsive debting or compulsive saving, compulsive working are all example of depriving and ...

“Attempting to usher a young person (or adult) entrapped in substance abuse ‘over the hump’ until he or she ‘gets it’ will turn a well-intentioned mother or father into part of the problem, not part of the solution. “Our first instinct as parents has always been to protect our children.  We guided them as toddlers away from the hot stove, the steep stairs, and the traffic in the street.  Preventive guidance worked then, but no longer. “Here’s the cherry on the top: while marshaling your best efforts against the chaos, you, Oh-Well-Meaning-One, are aiding and abetting a destructive course.  Though every instinct you have exercised as a mother or father is driving you to do anything and everything to derail an emotional and physical train wreck, the ‘conductor’ on this careening ride is the addict.  The more you scramble for solutions, the more you, the parent, are enabling the addictive behavior to progress!  Without realizing what is happening ...

"As sex and relationship therapists, we know that pornography use is a relationship issue.  Porn affects the user's inner life (the relationship he has with himself), as well as the interactions he has with his partner and other family members.  Regular porn use often interferes with a person's ability to maintain good self-esteem and experience manually fulfilling sexual intimacy with a partner.  Dealing with pornography is not solely about stopping a behavior or overcoming an addiction.  It also involves reclaiming a sense of personal integrity and manifesting attitudes and behaviors that promote healthy sexual intimacy.  Nothing we found in our research discussed pornography use and its repercussions with this type of emphasis." - Wendy Maltz, LCSW, DST and Larry Maltz, LCSW in The Porn Trap Sexual addiction is an intimacy disorder, not about sex but about an emotional issue.  Regular porn use lowers the ability to feel good about themsel...

From: Natural Healthy You ‏ @ healthyUdoterra The body doesn't wear down because of age; it wears down because of what we do to it. Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado.  She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928.

"But our view on pornography began to change in the mid-1990s.  It was then that we started seeing a troubling increase in the number of clients coming to us with porn-related problems that were interfering with their ability to maintain healthy relationships.  It soon became clear how easily sexual interests and desires could be twisted by pornography, away from real intimacy, and toward technological devices, people and situations that didn't actually exist.  Porn's emphasis had moved from helping couples becoming more sexually intimate with each other to arousing the user to have a sexually relationship with it. "That's an important distinction: unlike many early erotic videos, magazines, and books that were produced to help spice up lovemaking for couples, porn began to offer itself as the object of desire.  Today's porn teaches users to think only about body parts and specific sexual actions, robbing them of the ability to experience roman...

fun video!  The Latest and Greatest Blueberry Band by SHEL https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=126773561668&set=vb.47899422780&type=3& video_source=pages_video_set Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado.  She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928.

"So she was mystified as to why she still had these feelings for someone who had hurt her and her loved ones so badly.  I told her that the feelings are normal.  In the language of addictions we call them cravings; they do not go away simply because you understand.  Many get to the point of understanding but get pulled back in by the emotional reactivity.  The key is to dismantle the reactivity and the other trauma solutions that support traumatic bonding.  The relapse prevention plan you just completed focuses specifically on the relationship life itself.  Now we need to focus on how reactivity, arousal, blocking, splitting, deprivation, shame and repetition are used in that relationship.  Only then will you have sufficient distance to recognize that the feelings are not about reality.  They are like the Sirens of the ancient Greeks who seduced unwary sailors off course, where they crashed on the rocks hidden under the sea.... "Sur...

“Kind words can be powerful motivators–but only if you praise the right things.  Praising someone’s ability to work hard is more effective than gushing about how brilliant she is.  Research shows that kids who are praised for their intelligence do not try as hard on future tasks.  Praising smarts breeds the belief that things should come naturally–and when they don’t, kids thing they are no longer bright.  Or they choose unchallenging paths so as not to be exposed as ‘frauds.’ “‘Being praised for effort or other aspects of performance directly under your control leads to resilience, while being praised for being smart or for other innate abilities can lead to feelings of helplessness or self-doubt when a set back occurs,’ says psychologist Heidi Grant Halvorson, associate director of the Motivation Science Center at Columbia University.  The ideal is to help someone think positively but realistically about achieving goals while praising their hard ...

Hold Fast by MercyMe http://youtu.be/uWejcH0JWTc Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado.  She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928.

[youtube=http://youtu.be/IwtcwQwgdsA] Tenth Avenue North - You Are More Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado.  She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928.

"We must always hold truth, as we can best determine it, to be more important, more vital to our self-interest than our comfort.  Conversely, we most always consider our personal discomfort relatively unimportant and indeed, even welcome it in the service for truth.  Mental health is an ongoing process of dedication to reality at all costs." - M. Scott Peck, The Road Less Traveled Hold truth to be more important.  When we are not truthful our mental health is in jeopardy. Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado.  She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928.

"'It's hard when your friend has a sleepover with someone else.  I'm guessing you feel left out.' "'Of course you're scared about going to a new school.  Anyone would be nervous.' "'I used to feel jealous of my sister too.' "'I know that you really love that outfit.  In my opinion the colors don't go together well.' "'Your friends are upset because you're not passing the ball to them when they have open shots.  I know because the coach told me they have complained about that.' "'When you scream like that, I have trouble listening to you and don't want to do what you are asking.  I know you are upset, and if you could tell me in a lower voice, I could listen and possibly help.'" - Karyn D. Hall, PhD and Melissa H. Cook, LPC in The Power of Validation Validating statements are caring.  Caring for the emotions of other. Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor ...

"Unconditional love means loving your child no matter what.  Although unconditional love is critically important in parenting, it is a different concept from validation.  Unintended hurt an happen even when unconditional love is present.  You can have unconditional love and still invalidate your child's feelings, just as you can have unconditional love and validate your child's feelings.  When you give unconditional love while invalidating your child's thoughts and feelings, you run the risk of fostering the child's unhealthy dependency on you or others.  Unconditional love creates a safe environment, but invalidation teaches the child that he can't make his own decisions and can't keep himself safe, but needs you or someone else to do that.  'I love you no matter who else hates you' does not validate the child's loss of a friend.  'We've always got each other' does not help the child deal with his emotions about not mak...

"Sometimes, even without underlying issues, children break rules because they want to do what their friends are doing, or they act impulsively, without considering the potential consequences.  Children get carried away by having a good time, or they behave inappropriately to impress their friends or simply because that's what they wan to do.  They will play basketball instead of doing their homework, or they will lie about the broken lamp.  Validating discipline means respectfully giving consequences when your child's behavior needs correction.  Humiliating and shaming are not part of validating discipline.  Every child sometimes breaks rules and making shocking choices.  This behavior is not personal toward you.  Your job is to help your children learn that actions have consequences.  Sometimes you will want to berate your child in response to his actions, because you are angry or because you want him to feel bad enough to never make...

"Children do not plot ways to stress out their parents, break all the rules, and wreak havoc.  They do not wish to be aggressive, lie, break things, or make you totally miserable--at least not unless they are really angry with you!  They would like to have a peaceful, safe family life in which they feel loved.  Often their behavior is about feeling unloved, unaccepted, or unsafe.  'Safe,' for children, often means feeling solidly connected to their parents or caregivers (securely attached). "Sometime children's tears, temper tantrums, and aggression are the result of being overwhelmed with feelings that they don't know how to manage.  For a child who is neurologically sensitive, physical sensations can be overwhelming.  The idea of have to endure socks that itch or a bothersome seam all day can be unbearable, and when others don't understand, the child is torn between her own experience and the impressions of others.  Sometimes children...

UK reduces Internet porn: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-23401076 Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado.  She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928.

"Pruning is necessary, natural, and beneficial for anything that is alive.  We need it developmentally... and we need it in relationships and in business.  we need it when things are going well and when things are not going well; it is a natural part of life's seasons and a requirement for growth. "The premise that pruning is necessary but still notice that we have an emotional misalignment with that premise, we will struggle to realize our vision of the future and our potential.  But if you can become aware of your resistances and internal conflicts now, then you can begin to face them and work them through.  If you can become aware of your resistances and internal conflicts now, then you can begin to face them and work them through..."  - Dr. Henry Cloud in Necessary Endings Life requires pruning.  As we grow we have to let possessions and relationships go to make room for new experiences and relationships.  In school we move from gr...

"In business and in life, executing the three types of necessary endings...is what characterizes people who get results.  (1) If an initiative is siphoning off resources that could go to something with more promise, it is pruned. (2) If an endeavor is sick and is not going to get well, it is pruned.  (3) If it's clear that something is already dead, it is pruned.  This is the threefold formula for doing well in almost every arena of life. "The areas of your business and life that require your limited resources--your time, energy, talent, emotions, money--but are not achieving the vision you have for them should be pruned.  Just like an unpruned rosebush, your endeavors will be merely average without pruning.  And here is the key point: by average.  I don't mean on an absolute basis.  There is nothing wrong with being in the middle of the bell curve in many aspects of life, as that may be what success is for that person or at least that dimension of l...

"The world is less overwhelming, threatening, and unpredictable now.  The sun can shine brighter and the stars are close.  If I stop to smell the flowers and pet the dog and take notice of what is working in my life, I am less inclined to focus on someone else' stuff.  I have plenty of my own, and that is just fine.... "Life is not perfect, but it certainly holds more possibility.  The pressure is off when you are not longer driven to manage everybody and everything.  That alone makes life a whole lot more promising. "I am not responsible for anyone else' perfection, and I don't have to be perfect, either.  Compared to where I have been, this is a state of grace." - Barbara Victoria in It's Not About You, Except When It Is The pressure is off when we stop trying to make everyone conform to who we want them to be.  At times it is hard to do, but the internal rewards are greater for you and the other person.  They can learn from th...

"Leaders are people, and people have issues that get in the way of the best-made ideas, and realities.  And when it comes to endings, there is no shortage of issues that keep people stuck. "Somewhere along the line, we have not been equipped with the discernment, courage, and skills needed to initiate, follow through, and complete these necessary endings.  We are not prepared to go where we need to go.  So we do not clearly see the need to end something, or we maintain false hope, or we just are not able to do it.  As a result, we stay stuck in what should now be in our past.  And these abilities are not only lacking in the world of business.  They appear in the personal side of life as well. "Think of the now ubiquitous "failure of launch" syndrome of those twenty- or thirty- somethings still living with their parents.  They cannot end childhood and fully enter adulthood.  But the bigger issue is often the parents' inability to ...

"God has not constructed us to be fueled by accomplishments, possessions or trophies. He has constructed us to be fueled by love. And love only comes from being deeply connected to others." Henry Cloud in Law of Happiness It is important to remember that we don't get our fulfillment, true fulfillment with stuff. Experiencing and owning things can add to life and accomplishments to the enjoyment but not add love. Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado.  She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928.

"I offer these tips for achieving mind-body-spirit balance in our hectic world: 1. "Create a healthy boundary for solitude.  People today are suffering from information (sensory) overload. The effect may result in poor memory, poor processing skills, poor attention span, poor decision-making, as well as decreased productivity. Resolve the process-addiction habits of constant cell phone, e-mail, Ipod, and Internet accessibility. Declare high-tech free zones (in space and time) each day.   In this solitude, take time for some simple relaxation techniques (e.g., breathing, yoga, tai chi, etc.) as an essential step in caring for the caregiver. 2. "Resolve issues of anger and fear. Research is conclusive that chronic stress suppresses immune function (Kiecolt-Glaser, 1999). Energetically speaking, unresolved issues of anger and fear congest various aspects of subtle anatomy... thus affecting the integrity of various target organs. Making peace with our emotio...

"Although recent trends in youth drug use have shown the first significant downturn in usage level, they remain at high levels, and it has been shown that the earlier drug use is initiated, the more likely a person is to develop drug problems later in life. "Youth substance abuse can lead to many other problems, including the development of delinquent behavior, antisocial attitudes and health-related issues.  These problems not only affect the child, but can also influence the child's family, community and ultimately society. "Recent trends in youth drug use have shown a significant downturn in usage levels.  However, reducing youth drug use remains a key component of the President's National Drug Control Strategy because studies have demonstrated that the earlier drug use is initiated, the more likely a person is to develop drug problems later in life. "According to the 2008 Monitoring the Future study, 19.6 percent of eighth graders, 34...

"One of the first reactions of a grieving person is the denial of the loss of the loved one.  The loss of the relationship because of addictive involvement generates all those basic human processes involved at separation: hope, denial, anger, despair, and loneliness.  A grieving person resolves pain by acknowledging the loss and reconnecting with others.  Losing a loved one to addiction, however, has the potential of keeping one stuck in the early stages of grief and never coming to resolution.  The addict is still present in one's life even though the loss of the relationship is real.  "Therein is the bind of the 'coaddict,' or the loved one or friend who becomes so involved in the life of the addict that he or she truly starts to participate in the same impaired mental processes of the addict.  As 'courtship goes awry' for the the addict, the grief cycle for the loved one, one also becomes distorted.  By definition, the addict replaces...

"In the first major global review of violence against women, a series of reports released Thursday found that about a third of women have been physically or sexually assaulted by a former or current partner "The head of the World Health Organization [WHO], Dr. Margaret Chan, called it 'a global health problem of epidemic proportions,' and other experts said screening for domestic violence should be added to all levels of health care. "Among the findings: 40 percent of women killed worldwide were slain by an intimate partner, and being assaulted by a partner was the most common kind of violence experienced by women. "Researchers used a broad definition of domestic violence, and in cases where country data was incomplete, estimates were used to fill in the gaps.  WHO defined physical violence as being slapped, pushed, punched, choked or attacked with weapon.  Sexual violence was defined as being physically forced to have sex for fear of what th...

A beautiful movie of love, tragedy and survival. [youtube=http://youtu.be/Bgw394ZKsis] Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado.  She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928.

"Endings are necessary, but the truth is that we often do not do them well.  Although we need them for good results to happen in life and for bad situations to be resolved, the reality is that most of us humans often avoid them or botch them. We hang on too long when we should end something now. We do not know if an ending is actually necessary, or if 'it' or 'he' is fixable. We are afraid of the unknown. We fear confrontation. We are afraid of hurting someone. We are afraid of letting go and the sadness associated with an ending. We do not possess the skills to execute the ending. We do not even know the right words to use. We have had too many and too painful endings in our personal history, so we avoid another one. When they are forced upon us, we do not know how to process them, and we sink or flounder. We do not learn from them, so we repeat the same mistakes over and over. "As you reflect on these reasons, can you think of any situation...

"Endings are also an important factor in our personal lives.  There are relationships that should go away, practices and phases that must be relinquished, and life stages that should come to an end to open up the space for the next time.  A breakup, an ending of some friendships or activities, or an unplugging from some commitments often signals the beginning of a whole new life.  It is a necessary step I refer to as pruning.... "Some endings are not a next natural step but are just as necessary.  We wish they weren't, but they are.  They come about not in pursuit of growth to the next level, but because something has gone wrong.  It's been said that some things die and some things need to be killed. "In a personal realm, we can get stuck in situations or relationships that are hurtful, problematic, or toxic and must be ended.  Or sometimes it is not relationships we need to end but behaviors--destructive patterns and practices that h...

"Today may be the enemy of your tomorrow. "In your business and perhaps your life, the tomorrow that you desire and envision may never come to pass if you do not end some things you are doing today.  For some people, that is clear and easy to execute.   They end the things that are holding them back.  For others it is more difficult.... "Endings are a natural part of the universe, and your life and business must face them, stagnate, or die.  They are an inherent reality....  There are different kinds of endings and that learning how to tell one form the other will ensure some successes and prevent many failures and much misery, ending substantial pain and turmoil that you or your business may now be encountering." Dr. Henry Cloud in Necessary Endings Most endings are hard to do, hard to walk through and seem not necessary.  However, when we hold on to the situations, people or things when we need to let go of them we can then experie...

"As you move toward being fully engaged, you may have to ask yourself, What have I been giving my time to?  If you are spending all your time in mind-numbing activities, it is time to stop those and 'wake up.'  Pick some things  to do that are worth your full engagement and will invite you to be there.  You will be much more fully alive.... "Ask God what is next for you.  It may be something new that stretches you into a flow experience.  Or it may mean getting engaged in what is right before you.  Perhaps you need to reorganize your job description or career so that you spend more time doing what you are best at and what engages you to the max.  Research shows that businesses that use their people that way have the best performance.  Work with your boss to maximize your gifts. "Either way, whether it is showing up more in what you are already doing, or doing some new tasks, do not let time just slowly go by.  Make it go...

"Nearly everyone who is asked, 'What is the proper response to a compliment?' replies, 'Say 'thank you.''  But when actually offered a compliment, only a third of people accept it so simply and smoothly, found linguist Robert Herbert of Binghamton University. "The difficulty lies in the fact that a compliment ('What a nice sweater!') has two levels: a gift component (accept or reject) and a content component (agree or disagree).  The addressee is confronted with a  dilemma--how to respond simultaneously to both: 'I must agree with the speaker and thank him for the gift of a compliment while avoiding self-praise.' "Contrary to conventional wisdom, women aren't worse than men at accepting compliments.  It is the gender of the compliment-giver that most influences the response.  Women and men are both more likely to accept a compliment coming from a man than from a woman.  When a man says, 'Nice scarf," a...

"And remember, life is about the big picture and the small; life goals, five-year goals, yearly goals, monthly, weekly, and daily goals.  I love to not only think about the big picture in my life and work, for the small goals as well.... "And that day will be added to other days that will give me a week's success, a month's success, and so on.... "Make your goals specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and timely, commonly known as SMART goals.  Dream big, but make that big dream something real that is able to be attained, measured, and can fit into the real world of time and deadlines.  Real, attainable, and structural goals will engage you and help you feel successful along the way. "God made you like him, a person who is creative, has talents, brains, and abilities, and can see into a future that does not yet exist.  Goals will help you bring all those together.  Create your dreams, large and small, and engage your talents and abili...

A funny  - listening to each others feelings is important. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado.  She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928.

"When we set goals and put legs to our desires and teach them, it definitely does do the heart good.  A listless life that never strives to reach goals can feel lost.  The research says that not only the attainment of our goals but also the pursuit brings joy along the way.  As happiness researcher Sonja Lyubomitsky says, 'People who strive for something personally significant, whether it's learning a new craft, changing careers, or raising moral children, are far happier than those who don't have strong dreams or aspirations.  Find a happy person and you will find a project.'  Further, 'it turns out that the process of working toward a goal, participating in a valued and challenging activity, is as important to well-being as its attainment.... "Not that an entire life can look like the spring of that one week.  Life is a marathon.  But what we know about goals tells us that both the sprints of short-term goals and the marathon of a life...

"Happy people are happy 'now.'  Because they practice all the ingredients we are looking at, they are never dependent on a someday or tomorrow to be the key to their well-being.  They are fulfilled before that upcoming even ever takes place.  They are happy 'now.' "What gives them this ability?  Several ingredients, but first and foremost it is a spiritual discipline of living in the now.  Listen to how Jesus puts it:  ' Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own.' "While the Bible certainly tells us to plan for the future, it also tells us to live in the present, each and every day.  Today, or better yet, this moment, is all there is or all there ever will be.  You can never experience tomorrow, ever.  When it gets here, it will be just another moment like today, and if you do not have the spiritual discipline of experiencing the 'now moment,' when it gets h...

"Some people feel that happiness is on some sort of timeline and depends on a later event.  It cannot happen now, because there is a missing piece that has not occurred yet.  But in reality people who think this way do not magically become happy 'when' the 'whatever' it is happens.  They just transfer that mind-set to the next 'when.' - Henry Cloud in The Law of Happiness It is sad when people live in the future.  There is so much to live in the moment.  The reality that the "when" or "whatever" cannot make them truly happy, they will just be happy maybe for a time before going back into the unhappy state. Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado.  She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928.

"'We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised.' (Heb 6:12) "I love this verse.  It gives one more example of the created order, the way God set up the universe.  He makes promises about life, and then he expects us to do our part and not be lazy.  He promised the children of Israel a 'promised land,' but they had to go and possess it.  They had to fight a lot of battles to get there.  And, little by little, they did.  'Imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised.'  God has promised you abundant life, but he has not promised you an abundant life with no effort.  Work on your happiness, take responsibility for it, get moving.  Work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who is working within you.  He is doing his part; now you have to do yours.  Don't be lazy! "Since I write books, people often ...

"My experience has been that when people get a wake-up call about their level of happiness in life, their first realization is that they are responsible for their own happiness, and their second realization is that they will need to pursue certain activities.  I have seen many people who, having been stuck for years, finally "get it," wake up, and say, "I do not have to live like this.  I am going to do something about my life."  Then they get busy, and a year later.  I hardly recognize them. "But for that to happen, you have to find the "push."  You have to overcome the entropy and lack of movement that has dominated you for so long.  You have to "do something."  So how you do that? "Other than those who might be clinically depressed or suffering from a real illness of some sort, there are two broad types of people reading this book.  The first is the type who, upon reading what I have written so far, gets up and ...

"Contrast... attitude and behavior with that of happy people.  Those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord!"  instead of "Good Lord, morning," usually do not find themselves in that place by happenstance. They find themselves there by exercising God-given energy, investing their time, moment by moment and day after day, in the activities of building a life that is fulfilling and meaningful.  In effect, they are living out the created order itself.  God designed us to be, in his image, persons who use their hearts, minds, souls, and strength to create and invest themselves in producing life.  They build relationships and use their talents and abilities to achieve things, and God wants to do the same.  He wants us to be active toward life, not passive.  "Happy people are active, not passive, in their pursuit of life. If you look at some to of the activities that research has proven produces happiness, you'll see that it ...

"The word teenager has been around for less than seventy years. "Prior to the early twentieth century and, really, throughout history, people were either children or adults.  Family and work work were the primary occupations of the group we now call teenagers.  In fact, in 1900 only one out of ten American young people between fourteen and seventeen years old attended high school.... "So what was it like to be a teen back then, before the idea of teens even existed?  Good question.  To answer it, we'd like to introduce you to three young people from different times in America's past.  Their names are George, David, and Clara. "George was born in northern Virginia in 1732 to a middle-class family.  When he was eleven years old, he lost his father.  Even though his peers never considered him very bright, he applied himself to his studies and mastered geometry, trigonometry, and surveying (think algebra and calculus) by the time he was...