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Love addiction, part 1

Love addicts and avoidants form relationships that inevitably lead to unhealthy patterns of dependency, distance, chaos, and often abuse. Familiarity is the central engine of the love addiction. Each is attracted to the other specifically because of the familiar traits that the other exhibits.  These are patterns learned in childhood and continue into adulthood despite the pain that is caused. When the two addictive lovers come together --- a common and predictable relational process is ignited. Reference http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love_addiction

This cycle of love addiction encompasses a push-pull dance full of emotional highs and lows where the one is on the chase (love addiction) while the avoidant is on the run. They both engage in "counterfeit emotional involvement” which consists of melodrama and negative intensity.  This dance creates the illusion of true love, intimacy, and connection.

The negative consequences of love addiction can vary. Depending on the severity of ones love addiction, negative consequences can range from violence (to others or self) to increased feelings of shame, depression, impaired emotional growth, chronic emptiness, loneliness, and loss of intimacy and enjoyment in life. In its extreme form, love addiction causes more murders and suicides than any other addiction.

The consequences of love addiction are most-clearly revealed when the love addict experiences withdrawal, which occurs when a relationship has ended or is perceived as falling apart. When a break-up occurs, the love addict longs for the attachment and apparent loving feelings of the lost relationship, as much as a heroin user craves the drug that is no longer available. This longing is a form of emotional withdrawal that leads to debilitating pain, obsession, and destructive behaviors atypical of that person’s usual behavior patterns.

By Renee Madison, MA, LPC
Renee has offices in Westminster and Ft. Collins. Her work number is (303) 257-7623 (970) 324-6928
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