Psychology Help Today

"As sex and relationship therapists, we know that pornography use is a relationship issue.  Porn affects the user's inner life (the relationship he has with himself), as well as the interactions he has with his partner and other family members.  Regular porn use often interferes with a person's ability to maintain good self-esteem and experience manually fulfilling sexual intimacy with a partner.  Dealing with pornography is not solely about stopping a behavior or overcoming an addiction.  It also involves reclaiming a sense of personal integrity and manifesting attitudes and behaviors that promote healthy sexual intimacy.  Nothing we found in our research discussed pornography use and its repercussions with this type of emphasis." - Wendy Maltz, LCSW, DST and Larry Maltz, LCSW in The Porn Trap Sexual addiction is an intimacy disorder, not about sex but about an emotional issue.  Regular porn use lowers the ability to feel good about themsel...

A funny  - listening to each others feelings is important. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado.  She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928.

"Asking a partner, 'What's wrong?' is a bit like asking 'Who are you, again?'  As partners, we should know.  Others may not know and are not required to know, but we most certainly are.  That's our job, and that's why we're paid the big buck!  We do for our partners what others would not want to do because they don't really care. "Of course, our guesses will not be correct a hundred percent of the time.  I'm not suggesting you need to be clairvoyant." - Stan Tatkin, Psy.D. in Wired for Love I love the knowing that he writes about.  We should know the ones we love.  And, too, they should know us.  That is why it takes time to develop real relationships. Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado.  She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928.

"As an expert on your partner, you need to be familiar with the three or four things that make him or her feel bad.  But, as the saying goes, "Physician, heal thyself."  In other words, before attempting to identify you partner's vulnerabilities, it makes sense to have a handle on your own. "So take a minute now and think about this. "1. Sit down where you can have some private time, and think about the issues that have deeply affected you.  From as early as you can remember, on the way to this point in time, what things still dog you today? "2. It may help to recall specific incidents.  For example, this could be an argument with your partner in which you become very angry, or a time you felt depressed, lonely, or rejected.  In each incident, what was the issue that led you to feel vulnerable. "3. Take a pen and paper (or your tablet PC) and jot down all the incidents and issues that come to mind.  Don't censor yourself....

"We all have a handful of issues with the particular power to make us feel bad.  These issues typically originate during childhood, and we carry them into our adult relationships. "For instance, you have been picked on as a child, and so you continue to feel vulnerable whenever someone tries to tease you.  It affects you to this day.  Or as a child, you were told you were ugly or stupid, and now you still feel you are less attractive or intelligent than others.  Perhaps someone in your early childhood always had to be right, and by default always made you seem wrong.  Today you continue to feel sensitive to right/wrong issues. "How many such issues does each of us actually have?  Do they number in the tens? Or even more?  Partners often are under the illusion that they have a vast storehouse of personal issues with which they have to deal.  In my experience as a clinician, however, this is generally untrue.  If we really boi...

"The role of a primary partner is a big one:  it entails taking good care of another human pain in the rear.  And the only way for this to work is for it to be fully mutual.  Both partners need to become experts on one another.  With this kind of arrangement, nobody really loses and everybody truly wins.  You can think of it as a kind of pay-to-play version of romance, and it is, make not mistake, an investment in your future." - Stan Tatkin, Psy.D. in Wired for Love Understanding your partner is necessary for good romantic relationship.  Relationship should not just be "consensual," a political correct term, but really the relationship needs to be taking care of one another's heartaches, fears and pains.  We need to know how to take care of our partner in their hard times not just in the good and visa versa, they need to the same for us.  Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado.  She can be reached for appoint...

"When I see partners in a successfully maintained couple bubble, one standout feature is their ability to care for, influence, and manage one another, much the way expert parents do with their children.  Both partners seem to have read and carefully studied the owner's manual for the relationship and for each other.  Each is familiar with operational details that no one outside of the bubble is likely to know. "For instance, these partners know what has the most power to push the other's buttons.  When the other is feeling bad, they immediately sense why.  Not only that, they know how to remedy the situation.  They know the right words to say, or deeds to perform, that have the power to elevate, relieve, excite, soothe, or heal each other.  From a neuroscience perspective, these partners possess strong orbitofrontal cortices; well-balanced left and right brains; well-developed smart vagal systems; well-regulated breath and vocal control; and h...

“When I see partners in a successfully maintained couple bubble, one standout feature is their ability to care for, influence, and manage one another, much the way expert parents do with their children.  Both partners seem to have read and carefully studied the owner’s manual for their relationship and for each other.  Each is familiar with operational details that no one outside of the bubble is likely to know. “For instance, these partners know what has the most power to push the other’s buttons.  When the other is feeling bad, they immediately sense why.  Not only that, they know how to remedy the situation.  They know the right words to say, or deeds to perform, that have the power to elevate, relieve, excite, sooth, or heal each other.  From a neuroscience perspective, these partners possess strong orbitofrontal cortices; well balanced left and right brains; well-developed smart vagal sytems; well-regulated breath and vocal control; and ho...