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A time to end

"Endings are also an important factor in our personal lives.  There are relationships that should go away, practices and phases that must be relinquished, and life stages that should come to an end to open up the space for the next time.  A breakup, an ending of some friendships or activities, or an unplugging from some commitments often signals the beginning of a whole new life.  It is a necessary step I refer to as pruning....

"Some endings are not a next natural step but are just as necessary.  We wish they weren't, but they are.  They come about not in pursuit of growth to the next level, but because something has gone wrong.  It's been said that some things die and some things need to be killed.

"In a personal realm, we can get stuck in situations or relationships that are hurtful, problematic, or toxic and must be ended.  Or sometimes it is not relationships we need to end but behaviors--destructive patterns and practices that hold us back.  In many contexts, until we let go of what is not good, we will never find something that is good.  The lesson: good cannot begin until bad ends.

"In both normal life and life gone wrong, endings are a necessity.  As the Byrds reminding us in their Sixties song 'Turn, Turn, Turn,' there is a season for everything.  Taken from Ecclesiastes,m the message is that there is a season for things to begin and a season for them to end, and that's how life works.  Perhaps you have heard or read this famous passage many times, but take another look and focus your attention on the prevalent role of endings throughout:

"'There is a time for everything, a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and time for peace.'

"Endings are not only part of life, they are a requirement for living and thriving, professionally and personally.  Being alive requires that we sometimes kill off things in which we were once invested, uproot what we previously nurtured, and tear down what we built for an earlier time.  Refraining, giving up, throwing away, tearing down, heating what we once cherished--all are necessary.  Endings are the reason you are not married to your prom date nor still working in your first job.  But without the ability to do endings well, we flounder, stay stuck, and fail to reach our goals and dreams.  Or worse we remain in painful and sometimes destructive situations.  Endings are crucial, but we rarely like them.  Hence the problem."  - Dr. Henry Cloud in Necessary Endings.

A time to end.  Endings are necessary at times.   The above song by the Byrds is about how life works as confusing as it sometimes is.

Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado.  She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928.


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