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Children break rules

"Sometimes, even without underlying issues, children break rules because they want to do what their friends are doing, or they act impulsively, without considering the potential consequences.  Children get carried away by having a good time, or they behave inappropriately to impress their friends or simply because that's what they wan to do.  They will play basketball instead of doing their homework, or they will lie about the broken lamp.  Validating discipline means respectfully giving consequences when your child's behavior needs correction.  Humiliating and shaming are not part of validating discipline.  Every child sometimes breaks rules and making shocking choices.  This behavior is not personal toward you.  Your job is to help your children learn that actions have consequences.  Sometimes you will want to berate your child in response to his actions, because you are angry or because you want him to feel bad enough to never make such a ridiculous choice again.  Your discipline will be more effective if you just consequence without judging your child's character.

"Validating discipline is not about what disciple strategies you choose to use; it's about the tone of your discipline and the way you interact with your child.  Being angry about your child's choices and behavior is okay--but invalidating your child is not okay.

"Validating parenting means recognizing that your child means well most of the time and the misbehavior usually happens for a reason.  When the misbehavior is repetitive, the child may be struggling with situations that are difficult for her and for which she may not be developmentally ready.  Recognizing this fact and that there are many other reasons why a child might misbahave are part of validating parenting." - Karyn D. Hall, Ph.D. and Melissa H. Cook, LPC in The Power of Validation

Children break rules for many reasons.  How parents discipline must take into account the feelings that are behind the rule breaking.

Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado.  She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928.
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