Psychology Help Today

"As an expert on your partner, you need to be familiar with the three or four things that make him or her feel bad.  But, as the saying goes, "Physician, heal thyself."  In other words, before attempting to identify you partner's vulnerabilities, it makes sense to have a handle on your own. "So take a minute now and think about this. "1. Sit down where you can have some private time, and think about the issues that have deeply affected you.  From as early as you can remember, on the way to this point in time, what things still dog you today? "2. It may help to recall specific incidents.  For example, this could be an argument with your partner in which you become very angry, or a time you felt depressed, lonely, or rejected.  In each incident, what was the issue that led you to feel vulnerable. "3. Take a pen and paper (or your tablet PC) and jot down all the incidents and issues that come to mind.  Don't censor yourself....

"We all have a handful of issues with the particular power to make us feel bad.  These issues typically originate during childhood, and we carry them into our adult relationships. "For instance, you have been picked on as a child, and so you continue to feel vulnerable whenever someone tries to tease you.  It affects you to this day.  Or as a child, you were told you were ugly or stupid, and now you still feel you are less attractive or intelligent than others.  Perhaps someone in your early childhood always had to be right, and by default always made you seem wrong.  Today you continue to feel sensitive to right/wrong issues. "How many such issues does each of us actually have?  Do they number in the tens? Or even more?  Partners often are under the illusion that they have a vast storehouse of personal issues with which they have to deal.  In my experience as a clinician, however, this is generally untrue.  If we really boi...