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What Happens in Love Relationships

"During the initial phase of a relationship, partners may give clues about their basic predilections with regard to physical proximity, emotional intimacy, and concerns regarding safety and security.  But it is only when the relationship becomes permanent in either or both partners' mind that these predilections really come to life.
"Much of what we do, we do automatically and without thinking.  This is largely the work of our primitives.  In relationships, one of the things partners typically are unaware of is how they physically move toward and away from each other.   Our brain's reaction to physically move toward and away from each other.  Our brain's reaction to physical proximity and duration of proximity is wired from early childhood, and influences such things as where we choose to stand or sit in relation to one another, how we adjust distance between us, how embrace, how we make love, and just about everything we do that involves physical movement and static physical space.  because we operate largely on automatic pilot, we remain oblivious to this entire dimension of our interactions.  Moreover, we handle physical proximity differently during courtship than in more committed phases of relationship.  For example, many couples touch constantly while they're dating, but the frequency with which they touch drops off dramatically after they make a commitment.  This can be very confusing, and can lead partners to wonder, "Do I even know who you are anymore?" - Stan Tatkin, Psy.D. in Wired for Love

The beginning of relationship we are aware of how we want to be together.  When the relationship gets permanent then our old patterns become more prominent.

Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado.  She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928.
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