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Couples at War

"Couples at war have certain tell-tale behavior signs.  Some partners get very excited, while others become slow, sleepy, or even collapse.  Whichever posture they take, partners at war say and do things that are decidedly unfriendly.  Each time they fight, they tend to recycle the same complaints, the same examples, the same theories, and the same solutions.  Of course, their battles can expand, as well--to include other people ('Even so-and-so says you're self-centered'); other moments in history ('You did the same thing when we first went out'); and other topics ('When you do that, it drives me nuts, too').  Couples often spend inordinate amounts of time debating facts and struggles to reconstruct and sequence stressful relationship events, leaving them no time or resources to sort out the real reason for their conflict." - Stan Tatkin in Wired for Love

As I see fighting couples in my office, many times the patterns in how they fight can be seen, over and over again.  Stopping these patterns and using tools that can help them can be very enlightening.

Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado.  She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928.

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