Psychology Help Today

"During the initial phase of a relationship, partners may give clues about their basic predilections with regard to physical proximity, emotional intimacy, and concerns regarding safety and security.  But it is only when the relationship becomes permanent in either or both partners' mind that these predilections really come to life. "Much of what we do, we do automatically and without thinking.  This is largely the work of our primitives.  In relationships, one of the things partners typically are unaware of is how they physically move toward and away from each other.   Our brain's reaction to physically move toward and away from each other.  Our brain's reaction to physical proximity and duration of proximity is wired from early childhood, and influences such things as where we choose to stand or sit in relation to one another, how we adjust distance between us, how embrace, how we make love, and just about everything we do that involves phys...

Rules provide structure, preparing us for encounters with tempting stimuli. Rules become more automatic than the appetites they are deflecting. Some of us have good habits and some of us have bad habits. Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado.  She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928.

"What I learned confirmed Bowlby's message that patterns of relating created by attachment, separation, and loss during the first few years of life become fixed and impact all future relationships.  It also confirmed that couples' narratives (i.e. their presenting problems) are the logical products of the cortex playing catch-up with the emotional part of the brain.  The limbic system reacts almost instantaneously.  This understanding supports the view that couple therapy should concentrate not on the espoused content of the partners' conflict but rather on their underlying core dynamics. "Dr Walter Bracelmanns, who was developing his own integration of couple therapy.  I thank him for the support that he gave to the new idea that the focus of the work is the relationship, not the growth of the individual self of each partner." - Marion Solomon in Love and War in Intimate Relationships Couple therapy theories vary greatly.  So many different t...

"We now understand the role of secure attachments in the promotion of mature development, self-confidence, and autonomy (Feeney, 2007), the origin and the impact of insecure attachment orientations, and the importance of both to intimate partnerships.  And we now know that the lack of secure attachment bonds early in life does not condemn one to a lifetime of unhappy relationships (Byng-Hall 1999); it is possible to earn security over time via new, reparative relationships (Main, 2003). ..."The psychobiological model, developed by Stan Tatkin, is rooted in the perception introduced by Marion Solomon 15 years ago ( Lean on Me: The Power of Positive Dependence in Intimate Relationships) that each partner in an adult primary attachment relationship must learn to be the other's secure base (Solomon, 1984, 1994). ..."insecure attachment patterns evident even in the glow of new relationship can turn love into war.  Key moments of emotional connection spark neg...

"A movement known as the new old age is sweeping society.  The social norm for the elderly used to be passive and grim; consigned to rocking chairs, they were expected to enter physical and mental decline.  Now the reverse is true.  Older people have higher expectations that they will remain active and vital.  As a result, the definition of old age has shifted.  A survey asked a sample of baby boomers 'When does old age begin?' The average answer was 85.  As expectations rise, clearly the brain must keep pace and accommodate the new old age.  The old theory of the fixed and stagnant brain held that an aging brain was inevitable.  Supposedly brain cells died continuously over time as a person aged, and their loss was irreversible.  "Now we understand how flexible and dynamic the brain is, the inevitability of cell loss is not longer valid.  In the aging process--which progresses at about 1 percent a year after the age of thi...

"Five myths in particular have proved limiting, and obstructive to change.  All were once accepted as fact, even a decade or two ago. [Myth 1:] "The injured brain cannot heal itself.  Now we know that the brain has amazing powers of healing unsuspected in the past. [Myth 2:] "The brain's hardwiring cannot be changed.  In fact, the line between hard and soft wiring is shifting all the time, and our ability to rewire our brains remains intact from birth to the end of life. [Myth 3:] "Aging in the brain is inevitable and irreversible.  To counter this outmoded belief, new techniques for keeping the brain youthful and retaining mental acuity are arising every day. [Myth 4:] "The brain loses millions of cells a day, and lost brain cells cannot be replaced.  In fact the brain contains stem cells that are capable of maturing into new brain cells throughout life.  How we lose or gain brain cells is a complex issue.  Most of the findings are good...

"Consider stroke victims.  Medical science has made huge advances in patient survival after even massive stokes, some of which can be attributed to better medications and to the upsurge of trauma units, since stokes are ideally dealt with as soon as possible.  Quick treatment is saving countless lives, compared to the past. "But survival isn't the same as recovery.  No drugs show comparable success in allowing victims to recover from paralysis, the most common effect of a stroke.  ...with stroke patients everything seems to depend on feedback.  In the past they mostly sat in a chair with medical attention, and their course of least resistance was to use the side of the body that was unaffected by their stroke.  Now rehabilitation activly takes the course of most resistance.  If a patient's left hand is paralyzed, for example, the therapist will have her use only that hand to pick up a coffee cup or comb her hair. "At first these tasks a...

"Many women [and men] who love too much also eat too much or spend too much.  Addictions aren't discrete entities; they overlap in their physical and emotional roots.  In fact, recovery from one addiction may actually cause another addiction to accelerate.  "Fortunately, the same steps for recovery apply equally well to all addictions." - Robin Norwood in Daily Meditations for Women Who Love Too Much Many codependents of addicts find that their co-addiction is also an addiction.  Enabling behaviors that are hurtful for one person is hurtful for the other. Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado.  She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928.

"When Albert Einstein died in 1955 at the age of seventy-six, there was tremendous curiosity about the most famous brain of the twentieth century.  Assuming that something physical must have created such genius, an autopsy what performed on Einstein's brain. Defying expectations that big thoughts required a big brain, Einstein's brain actually weighed 10 percent less than the average brain. ..."Super brain rests on the credo of connecting the mind and brain in a new way.  It's not the physical side that makes the crucial difference.  It''s a person's resolve, intention, patience, hope, and diligence.  These are all the a matter of how the mind relates to the brain, for better or worse.  We can summarize the relationship in ten principles. "Super Brain Credo- How the mind relates to the brain: 1. The process always involves feedback loop. 2. These feedback loops are intelligent and adaptable. 3. The dynamics of the brain go in and ou...

  Sex Addiction Recovery: by Thomas Olschner, Ph.D., The Intimacy Center, Westminster, Colorado The first step: you call for help. You may be in one of the most painful crises of your life. Or you might be calling because your wife thinks you have a problem…and you’re not at all sure that you do. Whatever circumstances led you here, you are wanting to figure out your sexual behavior and what you can do about it. This article is designed to give you some information about what lies ahead for you. At The Intimacy Center we believe that each person’s journey is a unique one but that the commonalities among our journeys make us a resource for each other. With a willingness to be honest with yourself and others you can deepen your understanding of what has gone wrong in your life and gain tools to improve it. How Do I Get Started? At The Intimacy Center we start with a 3-Step process: initial session assessment and development of a treatment plan treatment 1. ...

"I am not what has happened to me but am what I am going to become." - Carl Jung I like this quote, it offers hope.  It is important to keep working to become a better person.  To keep making healthier choices for yourself will in the end make your life healthier after a time. Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado.  She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928.

“Identifying your primitives in action helps to hold them in check.  Now that you know who your primitives are and how they operate, see if you can catch them in the act.  When a red alert is going off, for example, can you recognize it for what is?  I’m not suggesting you will automatically know how to instantly turn it off.  First simply recognize that your amygdalae are sounding an alarm.  This alarm may take the form of your heart racing, palms sweating, face burning, or muscles tightening, or you may notice yourself suddenly becoming weak, slouched, nauseous, faint, numb, or shut down. “Of course, identifying your primitives can be accomplished only by none other than…your ambassadors; specifically, your hippocampus.  By definition, if you are able to notice your primitives in action, they can’t have gained the upper hand.  If they have, it’s too late; better luck next time.  And you can be assured that there most likely will be ...

Brain's "ambassadors are the rational, social, and very civilized part of our brain.  It's not that they're disinterested in self-survival; they're on the same page as the primitives when it comes to survival.  As we already noted, whenever a threat is detected, they're the ones tasked with checking and rechecking all relevant information for accuracy.  Nevertheless, given their druthers, our ambassadors would just as soon use their intelligence to sustain peace and foster social harmony and lasting relationships.  By nature, they are calm, cool, and collected, and like to weigh options and plan for the future.  They favor complexity and novelty, and they learn quickly. "If not for our ambassadors, we would be friendless, alone, and possibly even in prison.  They allow us to be in relationships for the purpose of more than simply procreation and survival of the species.  Like real ambassadors, they represent us in the world.  With ap...

Our brain has many amazing parts that can help us.   One part is the primitives.  "The primitives are naturally geared to wage war.  Whether it's a little battle or a big battle, they're ready to defend us, whatever it takes.  They allow us to sense, feel, and react, and tend to be the first receivers of information, both inside and outside the body.  This makes them fast at identifying dangers and threats, and expedient when dealing with those dangers and threats.  In fact, our primitives have all the advantages millions of years of evolution can afford, such as integration, efficiency, and speed.  They are the first to arrive on the scene and will likely be the last ones standing at the end (death). "Amygdalae  - Pick up signals (e.g., dangerous words and phrases; dangerous faces voices, sounds, movements, postures, smells) "Hypothalamus - Releases chemical in the brain and gives instructions to the pituitary and adrenal glands t...

"Couples at war have certain tell-tale behavior signs.  Some partners get very excited, while others become slow, sleepy, or even collapse.  Whichever posture they take, partners at war say and do things that are decidedly unfriendly.  Each time they fight, they tend to recycle the same complaints, the same examples, the same theories, and the same solutions.  Of course, their battles can expand, as well--to include other people ('Even so-and-so says you're self-centered'); other moments in history ('You did the same thing when we first went out'); and other topics ('When you do that, it drives me nuts, too').  Couples often spend inordinate amounts of time debating facts and struggles to reconstruct and sequence stressful relationship events, leaving them no time or resources to sort out the real reason for their conflict." - Stan Tatkin in Wired for Love As I see fighting couples in my office, many times the patterns in how they fi...