Psychology Help Today

Power of Vulnerability by Brene Brown https://youtu.be/iCvmsMzlF7o Renee Madison is a counselor in Colorado with offices in Westminster (Denver area) and Loveland (Northern Colorado).  She can be reached by phone 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928.

"Here is the key: you've got to send your words out in the direction you want your life to go.  You cannot talk defeat and expect to have victory.  You can't talk lack and expect to have abundance.  You will produce what you say.  If you want to know what you will be like five years from now, just listen to what you are saying about yourself.  With our words can we either bless our futures or we can curse our futures.  That's why we should never say, 'I'm not a good parent.  I'm unattractive.  I'm clumsy.  I can't do anything right.  I'll probably get laid off.' "No, those thoughts may come to your mind, but don't make the mistake of verbalizing them.  The moment you speak them out, you allow them to take root.  There have been plenty of times where I've thought something negative and I'm just about to say it, but I'll catch myself and think.  No.  I'll zip it up.  I'm not speaking defeat into my f...

A very thought provoking movie: To save a life http://youtu.be/1o56pazEh-Q Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a licensed counselor in Colorado.  She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928

Last Ounce of Courage - movie I found this to be a very touching illustration of patriotism and family. http://youtu.be/askgwNOjkeI Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a licensed counselor in Colorado.  She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928

People who use porn wonder, "'How... can something that isn't a drug, isn't an extra-marital affair, isn't actually sex with someone else, cause such devastating problems as divorce, getting fired, and not being able to get sexually aroused by a real live partner.' "The truth is, using pornography can make you go blind-- blind to the power and control it can eventually have over your life.  Though we might stare intensely at it, we don't see, often can't see see, how and why it is so powerful.  Did you know that porn can actually rewire your brain?  That's one reason why some people who use porn become preoccupied with sex, develop problematic sexual desires, and experience sexual functioning problems.  And if your brain has been changed, it can be difficult to see clearly exactly what is happening and how it's affecting your life. "Porn is an extremely alluring and compelling 'product,' capable of delivering ...

"What do music composers Amadeus Mozart and Ludwig Van Beethoven, Artists Michelango and Vincent Van Gogh, Physicists Sir Isaac Newton and Albert Einstein, Renaissance Polymath Leonardo Da Vinci, President Thomas Jefferson, and Microsoft Founder Bill Gates have in common?  All are known or suspected of fitting somewhere on the autism spectrum. As a "spectrum" disorder, autism represents a wide array of symptoms--from mid to severe--that affect individuals differently, however a common core of indicators influence the neurological development of social skills, empathy, communication, and flexible behavior.  This developmental disability also crosses every racial, ethnic and socioeconomic group." - Eric Scalise and Stephanie Holmes in Christian Counseling Today, Vol. 20, No. 2 This is an amazing list of people that have a disorder that parents fear.  Yes it is a challenging diagnosis but as this list shows, all is not lost. Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSA...

Children love movement.  Regular movement activities not only help children stay healthy, also it enhances their learning abilities and sets a solid foundation upon which more complex movement skills are established. Adult used to deal with obesity but it is now prevalent in the school age and preschool populations and is increasing at alarming rates.  Regular movement helps children decrease the chances of becoming obese and thereby avoid disease like  heart disease and Type II Diabetes.  Movement and exercise also helps them teaches them a lifestyle to stay healthy well into adulthood. Movement is necessary to learning.  Children use movement to learn about and explore their environments and the properties of objects.  They stimulate most areas of the brain, especially the center responsible for maintaining focus and paying attention when they move.  It is in movement that their brains release neurotransmitters that enhance short-ter...

A thoughtful article on financial stress in the Reporter-Herald: "Being short on cash may make you a bit slower in the brain, a new study suggests. "People worrying about having enough money to pay their bills tend to lose temporarily the equivalent of 13 IQ points, scientists found that when they gave intelligence tests to shoppers at a New Jersey mall and farmers in India. "The idea is that financial stress monopolizes thinking, making other calculations slower and more difficult, sort of like the effects of going without sleep for a night. "And this money-and-brain crunch applies, albeit to a smaller degree to about 100 million Americans who face financial squeezes, say the team of economists and psychologists who wrote the study published in Friday's issue of the journal Science. "Our paper isn't about poverty.  It's about people struggling to make ends meet," said Sendhil Mullainathan, a Harvard economist and study co...

I love this article I found in my Sunday Reporter-Herald: "As of August 2013, the average American's credit card debt totaled $15,263; mortgage debt averaged $147,591; and student loan debt hit $31,646.   And many households have all three!  No wonder you report that you're more stressed than you were 10 years ago.  Twenty percent of you now say you live with extreme stress daily, and we think the real number is even higher than that. "It's not news that financial woes fuel tension, sleepless nights, relationship problems and depression.  But a new report reveals that debt is also linked with higher diastolic blood pressure --- that's the second number in a blood pressure reading that tells you the pressure level BETWEEN beats.  We say you should aim for 115/75. "High diastolic pressure signals high-blood pressure problems. And that can double your risk for heart attack and weaker recovery post-heart-attack; triple the odds for digesti...

"Approximately 25% of all children in the United States will experience at least one significant traumatic event before the age of 16, with 15% of girls and 6% of boys developing symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder.  Unintentional injury remains the leading cause of death among those aged 14 and younger, while nearly 38,000 injuries occur on a daily basis that require medical attention--nearly half-million emergency room visits annually for traumatic brain injuries.  More than 10,000 children are diagnosed with cancer every year, and the most common tumors are brain-related. Each year, somewhere between three to four million reports of childhood abuse and neglect are filed with state and local Child Protective Services (60% of all cases are under the age of 13).  Over 800,000 minors are reported missing each year (2,200 times every single day).  Minors account for 39% of the homeless population in the United State (almost half of those are under ...

"When we choose well, the paths of surrender, relationship, acceptance and trust lead us to Him and His power. "Now we are standing in front of another fork.  This time, we're seeking a path that will deliver us to something we're all looking for: joy,   What's interesting, however, it that the trail to joy is unmarked, full of rocks and overgrown  weeds, and rarely traveled.  As a result, whenever we arrive at this fork, we almost always choose the wrong path--and end up wondering why we're lost. "To put this is plain terms, we often think possessions and things will make us happy.  Food, Sex. Money.  A new dress, couch, car, home, job or spouse.  We think that if we rearrange the circumstances, everything will get better.  Eventually, some of us figure it out, at least some of the time, that isn't how it works.  The external possessions and things are enticing and may offer temporary pleasure, but ultimately, they don't mak...

Last, I wrote that love addicts and avoidants develop unhealthy patterns of dependency, distance, chaos, and often abuse.  In this article, I will describe the types of love addiction. The types of love addiction are: * Obsessed love addiction: This type of addiction comes with the inability to live independently from another person, or a feeling of possession.  The person may continue the obsession years after the relationship has ended. * Codependency addiction: This type spins around the desired person.  The partner’s life is the focus, not the love addict. * Relationship addiction: This often manifests as an addiction to the idea of having a relationship, instead of the development of an authentic relationship. There are two types: those who are constantly in and out of relationships and those who will not let go of a bad relationship for the sake of having a healthy relationship. * Narcissistic love addiction: This type is all about the love addict, ...

Love addicts and avoidants form relationships that inevitably lead to unhealthy patterns of dependency, distance, chaos, and often abuse. Familiarity is the central engine of the love addiction. Each is attracted to the other specifically because of the familiar traits that the other exhibits.  These are patterns learned in childhood and continue into adulthood despite the pain that is caused. When the two addictive lovers come together --- a common and predictable relational process is ignited. Reference  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love_addiction This cycle of love addiction encompasses a push-pull dance full of emotional highs and lows where the one is on the chase (love addiction) while the avoidant is on the run. They both engage in "counterfeit emotional involvement” which consists of melodrama and negative intensity.  This dance creates the illusion of true love, intimacy, and connection. The negative consequences of love addiction can vary. Depen...

"We've seen that whenever trouble arrive at our doorstep, we're presented with a series of choices.  We start at the crossroads and see three paths: beaten, bitter, or broken.  Do we surrender to God's will or chart our own course?  Do we withdraw into ourselves or accept the Lord's invitation to move into a deeper relationship with Him--'If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in' (Rev. 3:20)? "When trouble arrives and we don't understand why, there is yet another decision we must make.  If we know Paul's secret, we can be confident of making the right choice.  I believe the secret is simply this:  Accept what's happened even if it doesn't make sense, and trust that God is in control ." - Jim Daly in Stronger When trouble arrives, and it will, how we deal with it can help or hinder us.  We don't want to be beaten, bitter, or broken.  We sometimes want to avoid the trouble rather than facing it....

"An injury to one's sense of self forges some bonds.  The self-injury becomes part of the fabric of the relationship and further disrupts the natural unfolding of the self.  When this involves terror of any sort, an emptiness forms at the core of the person and the self becomes inconsolable.  No addiction can fill it.  Not denial of self will restore it.  No single gesture will be believable.  Only a profound sens of the human community caring for the self can seal up this hole.  We call this wound shame. "This part of your recovery agenda looks at how the relationship forced you to devalue the self, and plans for self-restoration to the human community.  Start by making a list of how the relationship devalued you.  Think of  times you felt unworthy, embarrassed, flawed or ashamed.  Make a list of ten sources of shame in the relationship." - Patrick J. Carnes, Ph.D. in Betrayal Bond Shame recovery is hard.  We g...

"'What are you doing to take care of yourself?' is one of the most often asked questions in recovery.  Self neglect is one of the common causes of relapse, and it is true that children whose parents neglected them have difficulty taking good care of themselves. "This part of your recovery plan looks at those areas of your life that have gone beyond neglect of yourself and become compulsive deprivation or even compulsive self-harm.  First you need to identify forms of compulsive deprivation or self-harm that existed in the relationship(s) that you worry about." - Patrick J. Carnes, Ph.D. in The Betrayal Bond Compulsive deprivation and self-harm comes in many forms.  Anorexia, sexual anorexia, compulsive saving or hoarding. compulsive cleaning, cutting or hurting self, hair pulling or skin picking, body piercing or excessive tattoos, compulsive exercising, compulsive debting or compulsive saving, compulsive working are all example of depriving and ...

“Attempting to usher a young person (or adult) entrapped in substance abuse ‘over the hump’ until he or she ‘gets it’ will turn a well-intentioned mother or father into part of the problem, not part of the solution. “Our first instinct as parents has always been to protect our children.  We guided them as toddlers away from the hot stove, the steep stairs, and the traffic in the street.  Preventive guidance worked then, but no longer. “Here’s the cherry on the top: while marshaling your best efforts against the chaos, you, Oh-Well-Meaning-One, are aiding and abetting a destructive course.  Though every instinct you have exercised as a mother or father is driving you to do anything and everything to derail an emotional and physical train wreck, the ‘conductor’ on this careening ride is the addict.  The more you scramble for solutions, the more you, the parent, are enabling the addictive behavior to progress!  Without realizing what is happening ...

"As sex and relationship therapists, we know that pornography use is a relationship issue.  Porn affects the user's inner life (the relationship he has with himself), as well as the interactions he has with his partner and other family members.  Regular porn use often interferes with a person's ability to maintain good self-esteem and experience manually fulfilling sexual intimacy with a partner.  Dealing with pornography is not solely about stopping a behavior or overcoming an addiction.  It also involves reclaiming a sense of personal integrity and manifesting attitudes and behaviors that promote healthy sexual intimacy.  Nothing we found in our research discussed pornography use and its repercussions with this type of emphasis." - Wendy Maltz, LCSW, DST and Larry Maltz, LCSW in The Porn Trap Sexual addiction is an intimacy disorder, not about sex but about an emotional issue.  Regular porn use lowers the ability to feel good about themsel...

From: Natural Healthy You ‏ @ healthyUdoterra The body doesn't wear down because of age; it wears down because of what we do to it. Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado.  She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928.

"But our view on pornography began to change in the mid-1990s.  It was then that we started seeing a troubling increase in the number of clients coming to us with porn-related problems that were interfering with their ability to maintain healthy relationships.  It soon became clear how easily sexual interests and desires could be twisted by pornography, away from real intimacy, and toward technological devices, people and situations that didn't actually exist.  Porn's emphasis had moved from helping couples becoming more sexually intimate with each other to arousing the user to have a sexually relationship with it. "That's an important distinction: unlike many early erotic videos, magazines, and books that were produced to help spice up lovemaking for couples, porn began to offer itself as the object of desire.  Today's porn teaches users to think only about body parts and specific sexual actions, robbing them of the ability to experience roman...