Psychology Help Today

"Unconditional love means loving your child no matter what.  Although unconditional love is critically important in parenting, it is a different concept from validation.  Unintended hurt an happen even when unconditional love is present.  You can have unconditional love and still invalidate your child's feelings, just as you can have unconditional love and validate your child's feelings.  When you give unconditional love while invalidating your child's thoughts and feelings, you run the risk of fostering the child's unhealthy dependency on you or others.  Unconditional love creates a safe environment, but invalidation teaches the child that he can't make his own decisions and can't keep himself safe, but needs you or someone else to do that.  'I love you no matter who else hates you' does not validate the child's loss of a friend.  'We've always got each other' does not help the child deal with his emotions about not mak...

"Sometimes, even without underlying issues, children break rules because they want to do what their friends are doing, or they act impulsively, without considering the potential consequences.  Children get carried away by having a good time, or they behave inappropriately to impress their friends or simply because that's what they wan to do.  They will play basketball instead of doing their homework, or they will lie about the broken lamp.  Validating discipline means respectfully giving consequences when your child's behavior needs correction.  Humiliating and shaming are not part of validating discipline.  Every child sometimes breaks rules and making shocking choices.  This behavior is not personal toward you.  Your job is to help your children learn that actions have consequences.  Sometimes you will want to berate your child in response to his actions, because you are angry or because you want him to feel bad enough to never make...

"Children do not plot ways to stress out their parents, break all the rules, and wreak havoc.  They do not wish to be aggressive, lie, break things, or make you totally miserable--at least not unless they are really angry with you!  They would like to have a peaceful, safe family life in which they feel loved.  Often their behavior is about feeling unloved, unaccepted, or unsafe.  'Safe,' for children, often means feeling solidly connected to their parents or caregivers (securely attached). "Sometime children's tears, temper tantrums, and aggression are the result of being overwhelmed with feelings that they don't know how to manage.  For a child who is neurologically sensitive, physical sensations can be overwhelming.  The idea of have to endure socks that itch or a bothersome seam all day can be unbearable, and when others don't understand, the child is torn between her own experience and the impressions of others.  Sometimes children...

UK reduces Internet porn: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-23401076 Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado.  She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928.

"Pruning is necessary, natural, and beneficial for anything that is alive.  We need it developmentally... and we need it in relationships and in business.  we need it when things are going well and when things are not going well; it is a natural part of life's seasons and a requirement for growth. "The premise that pruning is necessary but still notice that we have an emotional misalignment with that premise, we will struggle to realize our vision of the future and our potential.  But if you can become aware of your resistances and internal conflicts now, then you can begin to face them and work them through.  If you can become aware of your resistances and internal conflicts now, then you can begin to face them and work them through..."  - Dr. Henry Cloud in Necessary Endings Life requires pruning.  As we grow we have to let possessions and relationships go to make room for new experiences and relationships.  In school we move from gr...

"In business and in life, executing the three types of necessary endings...is what characterizes people who get results.  (1) If an initiative is siphoning off resources that could go to something with more promise, it is pruned. (2) If an endeavor is sick and is not going to get well, it is pruned.  (3) If it's clear that something is already dead, it is pruned.  This is the threefold formula for doing well in almost every arena of life. "The areas of your business and life that require your limited resources--your time, energy, talent, emotions, money--but are not achieving the vision you have for them should be pruned.  Just like an unpruned rosebush, your endeavors will be merely average without pruning.  And here is the key point: by average.  I don't mean on an absolute basis.  There is nothing wrong with being in the middle of the bell curve in many aspects of life, as that may be what success is for that person or at least that dimension of l...

"The world is less overwhelming, threatening, and unpredictable now.  The sun can shine brighter and the stars are close.  If I stop to smell the flowers and pet the dog and take notice of what is working in my life, I am less inclined to focus on someone else' stuff.  I have plenty of my own, and that is just fine.... "Life is not perfect, but it certainly holds more possibility.  The pressure is off when you are not longer driven to manage everybody and everything.  That alone makes life a whole lot more promising. "I am not responsible for anyone else' perfection, and I don't have to be perfect, either.  Compared to where I have been, this is a state of grace." - Barbara Victoria in It's Not About You, Except When It Is The pressure is off when we stop trying to make everyone conform to who we want them to be.  At times it is hard to do, but the internal rewards are greater for you and the other person.  They can learn from th...

"Leaders are people, and people have issues that get in the way of the best-made ideas, and realities.  And when it comes to endings, there is no shortage of issues that keep people stuck. "Somewhere along the line, we have not been equipped with the discernment, courage, and skills needed to initiate, follow through, and complete these necessary endings.  We are not prepared to go where we need to go.  So we do not clearly see the need to end something, or we maintain false hope, or we just are not able to do it.  As a result, we stay stuck in what should now be in our past.  And these abilities are not only lacking in the world of business.  They appear in the personal side of life as well. "Think of the now ubiquitous "failure of launch" syndrome of those twenty- or thirty- somethings still living with their parents.  They cannot end childhood and fully enter adulthood.  But the bigger issue is often the parents' inability to ...

"God has not constructed us to be fueled by accomplishments, possessions or trophies. He has constructed us to be fueled by love. And love only comes from being deeply connected to others." Henry Cloud in Law of Happiness It is important to remember that we don't get our fulfillment, true fulfillment with stuff. Experiencing and owning things can add to life and accomplishments to the enjoyment but not add love. Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado.  She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928.

"I offer these tips for achieving mind-body-spirit balance in our hectic world: 1. "Create a healthy boundary for solitude.  People today are suffering from information (sensory) overload. The effect may result in poor memory, poor processing skills, poor attention span, poor decision-making, as well as decreased productivity. Resolve the process-addiction habits of constant cell phone, e-mail, Ipod, and Internet accessibility. Declare high-tech free zones (in space and time) each day.   In this solitude, take time for some simple relaxation techniques (e.g., breathing, yoga, tai chi, etc.) as an essential step in caring for the caregiver. 2. "Resolve issues of anger and fear. Research is conclusive that chronic stress suppresses immune function (Kiecolt-Glaser, 1999). Energetically speaking, unresolved issues of anger and fear congest various aspects of subtle anatomy... thus affecting the integrity of various target organs. Making peace with our emotio...