Psychology Help Today

"The word teenager has been around for less than seventy years. "Prior to the early twentieth century and, really, throughout history, people were either children or adults.  Family and work work were the primary occupations of the group we now call teenagers.  In fact, in 1900 only one out of ten American young people between fourteen and seventeen years old attended high school.... "So what was it like to be a teen back then, before the idea of teens even existed?  Good question.  To answer it, we'd like to introduce you to three young people from different times in America's past.  Their names are George, David, and Clara. "George was born in northern Virginia in 1732 to a middle-class family.  When he was eleven years old, he lost his father.  Even though his peers never considered him very bright, he applied himself to his studies and mastered geometry, trigonometry, and surveying (think algebra and calculus) by the time he was...

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_profilepage&v=0DzN4V-bJD0] Fun music by sisters. Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado.  She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928.

"Grace is about giving people what they don't deserve--extending unmerited favor.  If we all got exactly what we deserved and only what we deserved, most of us would not be where we are today. "Think of all the times that someone--a parent, a friend, coworker, or even a Good Samaritan--extending a kindness to you that you didn't earn. "If you approach others with the attitude that you will only give them as much they give to you, your relationship never will have a chance to grow beyond that point.  But when someone makes a gesture based on grace--a gift or good deed that is unearned or undeserved---the relationship is deepened and enriched for both parties. "A gift given in grace will delight the one who receives it, as well as the one who gives it.  Grace is one of the deepest forms of communication in any relationship.  It says you care about someone for who that person is, not just what he or she does for you." - Mark Sanborn in F...

"Gil Kerlikoske, the White House director of national drug control policy, said a study by his office showed a strong link between drug use and crime.  Eighty percent of the adult males arrested for crimes in Sacramento, California, last year tested positive for at least one illegal drug.  Marijuana was the most commonly detected drug, found in 54 percent of those arrested. "The study found similar results in four other cities: New York, Denver, Atlanta and Chicago.  Among the cities, it included examinations of 1,736 urine samples and 1,938 interviews with men who were arrested.  "Researches found that marijuana was the most popular drug used by men who'd been arrested in all the cities, ranging from a low of 37 percent in Atlanta to a high of 58 percent in Chicago.  Chicago also had the highest overall positive test results, with 86 percent of the men found to have at least one drug in their bloodstreams. "Cocaine ranked as the second most ...

"First, give out of faith.... "Second, give out of empathy.... "Third, give out of your whole life, not just your material resources.... "Fourth, give in a structured way.... "Fifth, make sure that you are giving 'freely'.... "Sixth, give past your comfort level at times.... "Seventh, make it relational... "And last, give to those who don't deserve it.  Jesus told us to give to our enemies and to those who won't return the favor.  ' Love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back.  Then your reward will be great, and you will be the sons of the Most High, because  he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked .'" - Henry Cloud in The Law of Happiness Giving too much of your emotional reserves can lead to unhappiness.  We need to be in other people's lives, forcing ourselves to give to not be selfish and to be loving.  It is not easy but it is a rewarding life. ...

“Psychological research has shown something else about “getting” or “achieving” some external, circumstantial state as the path to happiness.  It does not last.   It has a short shelf life.  So, not only do our circumstances and achievements account for only a small percentage of our happiness, but even what they are able to contribute evaporates pretty quickly.  Why? “It seems that there is some sort of “set point” to our level of happiness that we carry around, almost like a thermostat.  Let’s ay your set point from factors other than circumstances is at 70.  Then you get that new house, and you jump to 80 or, for a day, to what feels like 100!  This happens, for instance, when people first fall in love with the persons of their dreams.  They may even exceed 100 in that initial state.  (That explains a lot of crazy behavior.)  But whether it in the house, the raise, or the relationship, what research has shown us is that...

"The fact that our circumstances have limited power to make us happy has been documented in the research; but if you think about it for a minute, you already know this from your observations while standing at the check-out counter at any grocery store.  Look at the magazine headlines and you will see rich, beautiful, accomplished, famous, slim, and successful people, but with all sorts of unhappiness, from relational turmoil to drug abuse and overdose, and even suicide.  If circumstantial things could bring us lasting happiness, we would not be seeing those sad headlines.  And the flip side is this: if circumstantial things and events are the sources of happiness, why are there so many happy people who don't have many of those things going for them?  In fact, studies have shown that the happiness levels between rich people and average-income people is not that different.  The findings say that once a certain safety and sustenance level has been rea...

“It’s easy to be friendly to nice people, but how do you deal with angry customers? If you depend on the mood of the other person, you’ll be limited in who you can connect with.  The test of friendliness is the ability to be pleasant to someone who is being unpleasant to you.  Instead of fighting fire with fire, try responding to negativity with positivity.  It may not change the other person, but it will keep him or her from changing you.” – Mark Sanborn in Fred 2.0 This not only works for customers but for all relationships.  Changing a negative encounter into a more positive one can be turned fairly quickly with a pleasant response. Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado.  She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928.

"The extraordinary doesn't just happen. "Picasso didn't accidentally paint impressionistic masterpieces.  U2 doesn't accidentally write and perform music that moves millions of fans. The president of a country doesn't accidentally get elected to that position.  Works of artistry, significance, and greatness are the product of intention.  Being intentional about how you live and the kind of difference you want to make is the first step toward becoming extraordinary.  "Live with intent.  Let the difference you make be your signature difference." - Mark Sanborn in Fred 2.0 I love the this.  When we concentrate and take action on good goals our life is more enjoyable.  Life gets hopeful rather than hopeless when we move towards the things we want.  Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado.  She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928.

"People are going to talk.  That's just the nature of folks. "So what are you giving people to talk about when it comes to your signature difference?  I'm not suggesting you devote your life to managing spin (the perceptions people have), but I do believe we are responsible for living in a way that shows others who we truly are and what we believe. "Those little changes you make each day are cumulative.  The sum of your actions and interactions makes you admired or despised or something in between." - Mark Sanborn in Fred 2.0 Our little choices add up to big choices.  What do we want to give others to talk about?  No we can't help what people talk about but we can't give them fuel. Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado.  She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928.

"Ours is a culture of hyperconsumerism.  Not only can and do we buy nearly anything (except for the truly outrageously expensive), but we seem to have come to believe that we can and should have it all and that who we are is dependent on the ability to live in the right neighborhoods, with appropriately sized homes filled with brand-name appliances, with prestige cars parked in the driveway with expensive golf bags and clubs in the trunk and so on.  And so we spend.  We may be spending somewhat less after the 2008 financial crisis, but we are still spending.  Savings may have increased to its highest levels in decades, but the reality is that that is not saying much, since the savings rate has been so abysmally low. "We seem to become fairly good at generating an income, enjoying (for the moment) a very high stand of living.  But it is fleeting because we have not accumulated wealth--for our retirement, for our children's educations, for emergenc...

"Life is interesting when you aim to make a positive difference; I believe it's even more interesting when you strive to make a signature difference.  You can make a unique contribution to the world around you, affecting everyone in your life and work for the better.  But first you need to identify your signature difference." - Mark Sanborn in Fred 2.0 What is your uniqueness?  Your unique style, strengths, passions.  Then think of what do you want your legacy to be?  Take time to think about and to journal about your specialness, what you might contribute to the world around you. Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado.  She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928.

"EMDR therapy targets the unprocessed memories that contain the negative emotions, sensations and beliefs.  By activating the brain's information processing system, ... the old memories can then be 'digested.'  Meaning what is useful is learned, what's useless is discarded, and the memory is now stored in a way that is no longer damaging.... "When most people think of the unconscious, they think of psychoanalysis and movies that involve a Freudian view of psychic conflicts, and symbolic dreams and gestures.  From the psychoanalytic perspective it generally takes years of talk therapy and 'working through' to gain insight and mastery over forces that are hidden from view.  This form of therapy can have great value.  But Freud published first in 1900, and many things have changed since then.  In the past century there have been new advances in neurobiological technologies that have expanded our understanding of what these 'forces' ...

"Every experience we've had in our lives has become a building block in our inner world, governing our reactions to everything and every person we encounter.  When we "learn" something, the experience is physically stored within networks of brain cells called "neurons."  These networks actually form our unconscious mind, determining how our brain interprets the world around us and governing how we feel from moment to moment.  These memories include experiences that took place years ago, and our conscious mind is often unaware that they have any impact on us at all.  But since the memories are physically stored in the brain, they can pop up outside our control in response to "Roses are red," just as they color our view of every new situation we encounter.  They can cause us to feel unattractive when we're not.  Depressed when everyone else around us is happy.  And they can leave us feeling heart-sick if someone leaves us--even if w...

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CSVqHcdhXQ&feature=youtube_gdata_player] Blessing by Laura Story Beautiful Song Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado.  She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928.

[youtube=http://youtu.be/mL42hKKz_ds] The Mom Song by Comedian Anita Renfroe Moms be blessed! Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado.  She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928.

"One of the biggest barriers to creativity is moving a solution from an idea to an action.  You need to take it from concept to practice.  The best way to make that translation is to ask yourself, What Would That Look Like (WWTLL)?   That question forces you to define the inputs and outputs--the things you need to do to get the results you desire. "And if your idea comes out of left field and seems far fetched, asking WWTLL will enable you to determine if it is doable." - Mark Sanborn in Fred 2.0 Ideas are great to have but to get the most out of them we need to put them into action.  Doable ones can make our lives richer, more exciting.  And, of course, we need to make sure that are ideas will benefit us and those around us, being responsible with the gift of idea. Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado.  She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928.

“Handling of money wasn’t that hard to understand.  Terms and concepts that sounded mysterious were really quite basic.  It was easy to learn the difference between a defined benefit and a defined contribution plan, or a load versus a no-load mutual fund, or a growth versus value style of investing.  Common sense ruled.  If it was complicated and hard to comprehend, chances were you shouldn’t invest in it.  Financial advisers who were paid by a percentage of fees under management or by the hour really did seem to do a better job than those whose compensation depended on convincing their clients to buy or sell financial products.  People who couldn’t–for whatever reasons–live below their means generally found themselves in financial trouble sooner or later.  Insurance was invented for a reason.  Many of us could save ourselves a hell of a lot of trouble by simply picking up a copy of Personal Finance for Dummies, like I did when I was f...

Although this speech by Bill Gates has been circulating for many years, it is a timeless piece that is worth sharing with every graduate year after year. Bill Gates gave a speech at a high school about eleven things students did not and will not learn in school.  He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept may set them up for failure in the real world. "Rule 1: Life is not fair--get used to it! Rule 2: The world doesn't care about your self-esteem.  The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself. Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school  You won't be vice-president with a car phone until you earn both. Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss. Rule 5: Flipping burger is not beneath your dignity.  Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipper; they c...

“As experts on one another, they can detect when the other has an itch, and they know exactly how to scratch it to provide relief.  Often it takes just a smile or a look or a grasp of the hand to calm each other’s primitives and communicate the support that is needed.  They get their needs met in ways that would not be possible if each were alone; they do this for each other because they can and because it makes them more attractive–and even indispensible–to one another.  Nor does anyone outside their bubble do what they do for one another, and as such, their world is a safer, more protective world than the one that exists outside their bubble.” -Stan Tatkin, Psy.D. in Wired for Love A loving couple bubble is work but it is worth the work.  Like a child who is has parents who know what we need, so can an adult couple-ship can meet each other’s attachment needs with contentment and belonging to each other. Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in...

“Passion isn’t a substitute for competence.  Passion can’t replace hard work.  Passion cannot be swapped for commitment.  Passion isn’t more important than value. “Once you have the philosophy (you know what matters not only to you but also to your employer and your customers) and you develop the skills (you are competent to accomplish the task), then you’ve got a burning fire.  In some fields like medicine, would-be professionals must complete more than a decade of schooling and residencies before they can practice on their own.  When it comes to having major surgery or getting your car’s engine fixed, it isn’t enough to have someone who is passionate about his or her job.  That person also needs to be skilled and committed. “While few people are passionate about every aspect of their education, they know it is part of the cost.  Their passion drives them to submit and suffer through the necessary training to reach their goals. “Pas...

"1. Committed people are generally happy.  I have never met an unhappy Fred.  I've met some who felt under-appreciated, taken for granted, or frustrated, but it strikes me that overall, people who embrace these ideas and do business the Fred the Postman are a happy group of people.  "...Not everything we must do each day--at home or at work--makes us happy.  In those cases we need to remember that how we choose to do anything has a significant influence on the emotions we experience.   Doing an unpleasant task cheerfully trumps doing a pleasant  task begrudgingly. "2. Committed people are clear about what they do and why they do it.  A. W. Tozer said, 'It is not what a man does that determines whether his work is sacred or secular, it is why he does it.'  In other motives matter. "What you do to make a difference is important, but so is the reason you do it.  You can do the right things for the wrong reasons (which is...

“Kilbourne demonstrates how ads encourage us to objectify each other and to believe that our most significant relationships are with products.  As she says, ‘Ads turn lovers into things and things into lovers.’ “Jean Kilbourne shows that the main message is that happiness comes from products.  Advertisers exploit our very real human desires for connection, calmness, respect, and excitement.  Every emotion is used to sell something.  The cumulative effect of all these ads is to leave us romantic about objects and deeply cynical about humans, who are after all much more complicated than products.  (‘Who says guys are afraid of commitment?  He’s had the same backpack for years.’)  Over and over, ads’ messages are that human relationships are fragile, difficult, and disappointing but products won’t let us down.  (‘The ski instructor faded away three years ago, but the sweater didn’t.’)  But, Kilbourne points out, ‘Products are the ...